String
HOT DAMN, IT'S MOTHERFUCKING STRING. String is quite possibly the greatest thing ever to grace the universe. Coming in a whopping four (count that FOUR!) colors, string is guaranteed to keep you entertained in between your routinely scheduled sessions of ball-crushing despair. DID YOU KNOW? The mere fact that BETA cannot into string is the actual reason for their invasion of Earth. Seeking to master such a difficult technology, they have tried to acquire our knowledge of string, by whatever means necessary. To this day, casualties on both sides have reached astronomical proportions, and there appears to be no end in sight. Humanity's attempts to teach BETA the ways of string have also been futile. Part of this can be attributed to Russia barely being able to into string, most likely. STRING AFTER THE END OF THE WORLD Even after the world pretty much ended because G Bombs are bad, and make everyone feel bad, there still remains one guiding light in the people's lives. That's right, String. See how happy those kids look even though their about to get drafted in like 3 years max? That too, is because of how wondrous string is. Even the girl that was already drafted is still happy as can be. Truly, not even the despair the BETA can inflict can begin to compare to the joy to the entire world that string can bring. SUFFERING AND YOU Due to the tremendous amounts of concentrated Suffering existent in the world, many lolis are born lacking emotions entirely. However, thanks to advances in string-based therapy, you can go out today and String some goddamn heart and soul DIRECTLY into the nearest albino loli, you don't even have to be good at it! ADVANCED STRING TECHNIQUES FUCK YEAH Cat's Cradle is a popular pastime of many people skilled in the ways of the String, and a basic requirement of all that walk the Master Path of the String. It is proof of the shining example that string is a superior force in the universe, surpassing the Force, Warp, Newtypes, and the worship of humanized BETA specimens, and can prevent entrophy, create matter, cause silicone life to combust when in contact with oxygen and water, and most importantly, stave off the onset of despair. The disappointment when a practitioner of Cat's Cradle discovers someone inept in the ways of the String is infinite. GREEN STRING, HAVE YOU SEEN IT? Possibly the String of Strings. Little information is known at this point, other than the fact that it does not seem to exist in the Alternative universe, in exchange for slightly less ball-crushing despair. Alternatively it has been called Kouki's String. Origins of the Gag Article As if it wasn't obvious enough, using string to make complex and ball-busting brain-busting patterns or to torment lesser people for being unable to make said patterns is one of the many pastimes available to people of the Unlimited/Alternative worlds, beating out chess and everything else. Somehow. String: because to settle for anything less is BETA. Category:Gag article